exactly 1 minute ago i had absolutely no idea what the plants sesame seeds and peanuts came from look like and i am shocked and surprised
for some reason every time I see pineapples growing I laugh out loud. Like, the punchline is it’s a pineapple!!!!!!!!! it’s a pineapple
An Interesting Fact About Peanuts, while we’re on the topic of food-plants:
Peanuts-you-eat grow underground, but they are NOT part of the peanut plant’s roots. Peanut plants are ambitious little fuckers and plant their seeds themselves. They flower like any perfectly reasonable legume, but once the flowers have been pollinated the plants do something called “pegging” (no really), in which they drill the stems where the flowers used to be into the ground. And that’s where the peanuts you eat form. Like so:
the most painful social interactions are when you miscalculate someone’s meme literacy and reference something and the person/group doesn’t get it and u have to half-heartedly explain it knowing FULL well it’s 0% funny if people don’t have the full convoluted context of the joke and u feel the flames of hell start to lick at ur feet as they all give u a pity laugh
lmao on the edinburgh zoo site it says “there is a daily penguin parade at 14:15 but it may be cancelled last minute as it is a voulntary parade, we do not coax the penguins with food, and they may not want to go out” lmao anarchopenguinism
this is the cutest goddamn thing i’ve ever heard
I saw the penguin parade. It was a very slow parade, because the
pingüinos take their sweet time and aren’t very fast walkers to begin with.
can I volunteer to be a penguin
I feel like the world needs to know the context of the edinburgh zoo penguin parade, becausr I’ve been going there my entire life and I only found out about this the other year.
So a while back (I can’t remember exactly when but I think it was some time around the 40s/50s), a bunch of penguins escaped. A keeper left the gate open so a bunch of penguins just… followed them. And the people loved it. Look at these adorable birds outside their cage just following that guy around! So they get all the penguins back inside and realise that none of them really ran off, they just followed the keeper and went back inside and crowd thought it was amazing, so why not make it a regular thing? Get enough people there that if one of them goes to make a run for it (which at least one has in the past), they can’t get past the people, and let the ones who want outside have a little wander. So every day, they get a crowd, they open the gate, and whatever penguins want to get out can go, waddle about, squawk at people, and then hop back inside.
Also, one of those penguins is Brigadier Sir Nils Olaf III, Colonel-in-cheif of the Norwegian King’s Guard. This isn’t really related to the parade at all, I just love the fact that there’s a penguin in the Norwegian army
Reblogging with Brigadier Sir Nils Olaf III inspecting his troops.
A white woman in San Francisco calls the police on an 8 year old black girl selling water bottles outside her apartment building. She does this because the girl has ‘no permit’.
“Now known virally as #PermitPatty, Ettel has two master’s degrees, one in urban planning, owns a medical marijuana business, was an equity trader and was a Brookings Institution researcher.”
Could this be more stereotypical? She owns a business that was legitimized only in the past couple of years to the exclusion of every Black person rotting away in prison who made money the same way. I could scream.
fuck the neo hippie capitalist fucks
Didn’t it turn out she was selling the weed without a license? Lmao
A world where everyone had a special power, whether it was flying, starting fires, communicating mind to mind, everyone had a way to uniquely contribute to the world. Some powers were small, like radiating extra body heat, and some were large, like being able to lift buildings with your mind, but all of them had one thing in common: every power had a price. We were all born with a limited number of uses of our power, and the more powerful it was, the less uses you had. They said if you used up all the times you were allowed to activate your power …. Then the price would be your life.
I was born to this world like everyone else. We would have to wait until we turned ten to find out our powers. Until then we grew and dreamed of what miracles we would do.
My father could make illusions, he worked as a performer. He had more than 5,000 uses of his powers, he told us, so he had little worry of running out. He would tell us bedtime stories with moving pictures of dinosaurs and flying cars and princesses floating above our heads. My mother could read minds, she only had a few hundred uses, and only used it in court when required. My sister Chelsea and I were so excited to find out what powers we would get. We would hide in our blanket fort and chat the night away about it.
“What kind of power do you want?” She would ask me , her tiny face illuminated by a single flashlight.
you know i hate tumblrs “i hope they do something problematic” shit so much? its not only with people like thomas sanders or john mulaney or that comic guy with the bike, but with whole ass shows and projects? like nobody ever said b99 is cop propaganda. nobody was saying that until one single person mentioned it and suddenly its the worst show you could watch because of one aspect of their show, while ignoring the shows diversity and political stances.
same happened to dream daddy, like you cant deny that that game was groundbreaking for the lgbt society, but suddlenly some people started shit like ‘uhhh but 5 years ago the game grumps made transphobic jokes’ and ‘you know that joesph is actually a satanist, right?’ and suddenly no one talked about the game anymore?
everytime someone tries their fucking best to be inclusive, diverse etc. people are digging through everything they can find just to justify that they dont like it? overwatch recently hosted a huge event to raise money for breast cancer research in association with the BCRF and without even doing one second of research people accused them of working with the susan g. komen foundation (which wasnt true) and tried to boycott a fucking charity event?
what im saying is, dont let tumblr ruin everything you love because they are bitter
Iron Man: I’m the richest and possess the most advanced technology on the planet
Black Panther:
This post got derailed by racists so fast so let’s do this again
Tony Stark is worth around 12billion; Batman 10billion. Black Panther almost 100 TRILLION. Black Panther can buy Wayne Enterprises and Stark Industries at the same Going Out of Business sale. Tony’s tech has always been decades behind Wakanda technology. That’s why Black Panther’s costume is sleek and form-fitting yet still bulletproof while Tony still has to bulk up his with extra metal. Batman doesn’t even have a bulletproof costume unless it looks like Ironman’s. Plus Wakanda’s current technology was invented by a female and not just any female a Princess. Batman has Fox invent his technology Tony does the best he can while yelling at Pepper. AND Wakandans found the cure for many different types of cancer. They only reason they don’t share with the world is because white greed and insurance companies.
Panther & Co.™ has enough wealth and power to hide a goddamn country from the entire rest of the world. Tony has a gold-plated bow tie and a few fancy bottles of wine.
My husband saw this as I was scrolling down and said “Dude, Black Panther finds Tony Stark’s net worth in his couch cushions when he’s looking for the TV remote. And he’s probably judging the Iron Man suit like ‘oh hey I had one of those I built when I was 6.’”
Fun History Fact: The overwhelming majority of cowboys in the U.S. were Indigenous, Black, and/or Mexican persons. The omnipresent white cowboy is a Hollywood studio concoction meant to uphold the mythology of white masculinity.
Thank you.
I will always re-blog this
I think it was high school when i overheard some white girl put on her best semi-disgusted and confused voice and go “why do so many Mexicans dress up like cowboys?” and I had to be the person to tell her.
Why do you think the whites say buckero? Cause they couldn’t say vaquero.
I dunno if I reblogged this before but fuck it, y'all gon learn today.
Teach the children.
also, cowboy culture was hella gay. like, write-poems-about-your-cowboy-partner gay.
IF people acknowledge it, they play the necessity card– there weren’t any women out on the range, so they had to “resort to men.” this claim completely erases 1) the romantic (not just sexual) writings of actual cowboys, 2) the acknowledgement of cowboys’ potential homosexual activity by writers at the time, and 3) the possibility that some men would deliberately become cowboys with the intent to seek out homosexual encounters.
no one wants to admit it, but cowboy culture was just. so inherently gay.
When someone frames a person’s suicide as a selfish act, what they are saying is that that person’s life was only worth living for what they could do for others.
so the cah pride pack has options for buying it “with glitter" and “without glitter” and knowing cards against humanity they just tip like 3 tablespoons of fucking glitter into the pack of cards and send it out
This is Arwen, she’s a Husky/Kelpie mix and a little Asshole:
“I wonder if she can jump?” my dad asks the first five minutes we have her. She perks up at the word, and clears a six-foot fence form sitting on the ground. “Oh.” Says dad. “Shit.”
Later that night she got up on the counter and ate three pounds of corned beef in roughtly 68 seconds but this was considered part of the learning curve of having a new dog.
I wake up at 4 AM to the sound of the toilet being flushed repeatedly in the hall bathroom, and assume plumbing is now posessed by angry and wasteful ghosts. I get up to disconnet it and find her in the Bathroom, standing to flush the bowl, then shoving her head in to drink the running water. I’m not totally awake, so I stand there like an idiot trying to understand this, and my sister gets up to see what the noise is, sees the same thing and also stands there. Fiance notices my absence and does the same. Mom eventually wakes up and finds us standing around like very confused zombies and almost joins the parade of baffled zombies before shreiking “THE WATER BILL!” We got her a circulating water bowl after that.
My parent’s don’t have AC, but they haveone of those “fridge on top, pull-out-freezer below” fridges. Last summer, we were remarking that we might need to shave her so she didn’t get heatstroke, to which she looked up and made a disgusted noise at us. …Then got up, used the dishrag to pull open the freezer and climbed on top of the frozen vegetables, stretching out and sighing contentedly. “Arwen,” Mom began, but was interrupted by a loud ‘WHAAAaaaaarrr?” from Arwen. “Ok you can stay there for now but we’re getting you a kiddie pool so you have to get out when we get back. Don’t eat anything.” She ate a bag of frozen green beans and farted for three days straight.
Took her walking along the lake with the long lead so she could sniff things to her hearts content. She went about shoving her head in the undergrowth, usually coming up with her head covered in leaves and pollen.
Except for the bush where she came back out with a 7-foot Bull Snake wrapping itself around her ehad and neck, trying it’s best to strangle her before she can eat it. She immediately ran back to me, the parts of her face not occupied with the snake arranged in a gleeful expression of “Look! I found Snacks!”
I screamed, not immediately regognizing that it wasn’t a rattler, and fell, splitting my knee on a rock. The screaming made her let go of the snake, but I still had to grab her and wrestle the snake off her because it lacked the sense to just scuttle away. I finaly got it lose from her (Despite her best effort to continue trying to eat it and turned around to fling it off the trail-
-And directly into the face of one of my 90-year-old neighbors who’d come out to see what the screaming and profanity was, making her collapse.
I’m pretty sure being told “I accidentally threw a snake at my neighbor.” was the highlight of that EMT’s day. Dottie was unharmed but she still doesn’t speak to me.
One day, we left her in a Harness and overhead tether in the (at the time) unfanced back yard so she could enjoy some relatively free-range outdoors time. I walked by the window not a minute later to find her completely GONE, and race out to the yard to find her. It took me a good heart-pounding five minutes to realize the overhead tether was goign UP into the ancient silver maple and realized that 1. Arwen can apparently do something really weird with her shoulders where they pop out sideways, allowing her to bear-hug the tree and 2. climb a good 40 feet into the three to fight 3. A porcupine, which i didn’t even know LIVED out here.
Fortunately, Porcupines weigh considerably less than Awen and she couldn’t get a good enough foothold to get all the way up to it, but I still had to climb up there and lower her down, barking dog profanities at the porcupine the whole way.
My parents recently acquired a mechanized recliner which has been instumental inmom’s hip surgery recovery. Execpt that Awen Also likes lounging on the furniture, and is more than capable of hitting a large, elder-friendly button with her paw. So now when she gets back from a walk or the dog park she makes a beeline for the living room, get in the recliner and pushes the button until it’s flat and stretches out in it.
My parents didn’t have a problem with this because she gets out of the chair when they ask her (Mom even tells her “Go get my chair ready” in winter because she does a good job pre-warming it), until last winter when Arwen taught my dog Charlie, another devoted couch animal how to do this.
One afternoon there was a tremendous outburst fo barkign and snarling from the living room and we rished in to find both dogs in the recliner, Charlie on the fully-reclined back and Arwen on the elevated seat and foot rest, bellowing at eachother for control of the recliner, thier movments having pitched it back to it’s two hind feet, the device swaying to and fro like a leather covered boat upon the high seas, a furry mutiny on board. Neither dog was willing to yeild the plush throne, nor to listen to the humans yelling at them to knock it the hell off, until Arwen tackled the usurper, kocking him off and managing to cantaleiver the recliner clean over, flipping it into the hall, both dogs and all humand miraculously unharmed.
She still doesn’t let him sit in it.
I love her so much.
(If you got a laugh out of this, please consider donating to my Tip Jar or Paypal to get Arwen (and Charlie!) nice treats)
Evening reblog with an additional Shenanigan I just remembered:
One of the regulars at the dog park was an unfixed basset hound with an obnoxiously indifferent owner. “Brad” shows up pretty much to smoke weed and let “Bojangles” harass the other dogs, in spite of regular complaints about Bo starting fights and trying to mount every dog, leg, and toddler in sight.
One evening, Bo was particularly interested in Arwen, aggressively following her, nipping her heels and trying to mount her, even after her usual wolverine-like Snap’n’Snarl, which has tended to discourage unwanted suitors before. Brad was Too Damn High to notice, as usual, but mom knew that if Arwen actually bit Bo, Arwen would be the one in trouble and was trying to call her when Bo made yet another attempt and Arwen finally had it.
Instead of rightfully tearing his face off, Arwen instead did what Mom described as “A Judo-style front-flip” that pulled Bo clean off the ground and threw him on his back, Arwen landing on her feet like a cat. Bo’s stubby little legs didn’t allow him to right himself before Arwen jumped on him, front paws slamming into his saggy basset balls, squatted over his face, and peed on him.
“ARWEN NO!!” howled my mother as nearly everyone else present laughed, but having made her point, Arwen daintily got off Bo, and trotted to the gate, ready to go home. Bo yelped but got up and skulked away, only moderately bruised, cowering under the bench by Brad, who finally noticed something might be amiss.
Mom remembers hearing “Dude, why is my dog all wet?” right as they were leaving. Apparently nobody told him what happened, becuase Brad still brings Bo to the park, but Bo has much better manners now.
I read this whole thing to my mom and upon reading the end part she was like “OH MY GOD! Our dog Lady once flipped another dog and I didn’t know it was a thing dogs could do!!”
So there’s that.
Update: Arwen was at the vet’s office for a check-up and daycare, and decided partway through the afternoon that the other two kelpies were annoying her, but she didn’t want to go inside to be kenneled for a nap, so she instead…
…ninja’d her way onto the vet’s roof despite there being three people in the yard watching the dogs and no clear way up there. She had a pleasant hour of watching the vet staff try to figure out how she did that and how they were going to get her down before mom came to pick her up.
“Arwen, get your furry butt down here!”
At which point Arwen obidently got down by jumping into a nearby tree that’s technically inside a neighboring house’s yard, shimmied down that like a bear, then walked out of their side yard and back around the block to come sit at Mom’s feet, putting her paws up like she expected a treat.
That tree is not accessible from the daycare yard. We still have no idea how she got up there.
Shine on you beautiful bitch.
This just gets better and better every time i see it
I…
I have fostered doggos for a good majority of my life and my brain simply cannot process half of the bullshit in this post…
1. She’s a mix of two extremely smart breeds 2. She’s a mix of two extremely energetic breeds 3. The inmates trained her to do lots of “Extracirriculars” like veritcal leaps, how to climb chain-link fence, agility courses, physical-comedy type tricks becuase they finished teaching her the regular Service Dog Cirriculum and wanted to keep working with her. 4. Due to said Extrcirriculars, she doesn’t have any fear of heights, strangers, animals, or the nonsense of other dogs.
She does do the Professional Service Animal thing when we put her vest on, but then she’s working and has things to do like teaching social skills to people or being a living stress ball to someone having a bad time, so all that brains, energy and training can be put towards a productive end, but if she hasn’t got an active job, Shenanigans Ensue.
theres a new product by verzion called “hum” that allows your parents to track your car and places you go, if your parents are controlling like mine please check under your steering wheel to make sure that they havent installed this
here is what it looks like installed:
you can read more about it here, and here- this excerpt sums up what information Hum will send:
“a car’s owner will be able to get notified on their phone when the vehicle leaves a pre-determined area or drives faster than a set speed… [Hum] will enable location tracking and a driving log, which measures travel times, engine idle times, and average speeds.”
People in abusive relationships, please check your cars.
DO NOT TRY TO UNPLUG IT BY YOURSELF!
To add to this nightmare, I’ve just heard of a thing called ForceField where people get to monitor and block internet sites that you’re going on if they don’t approve.
It tells the user what sites/apps you’re going on, for how long you’re on them, and WHERE YOU ARE ON AN UPDATING MAP.
So you know if you’re in an abusive household and use sites like tumblr to escape and talk to friends, you could be cut off from that.
They say “it’s not spyware” but it sure sounds controlling and creepy to me.
signalboost
God. Fuck. That’s scary.
Life 360 is another tracker. My parents have used it on me, not allowing me to delete it from my phone, and sometimes even demanding selfies to prove I was where the map said. (As if I’d go anywhere without my phone)
SpectorPro is another one. Afaik it can’t track location, but it takes screenshots roughly every 20sec to allow the installer to watch a video of your computer activity. It also tracks all keystrokes, so passwords aren’t safe, and records any website you visit + the duration. It’s incredibly creepy and a huge violation of privacy, and was one of the cornerstones of my abuse as a kid.
even if you’re not in an abusive relationship/family, please spread this because you might have just saved someone’s life
Whether someone drowns in 10 feet of water or 50 feet of water, they still drowned. Trauma is trauma. Just because someone has it worse doesn’t mean you don’t still have it bad. Your trauma is valid and you deserve help.
i had this really really vivid dream that the first act of hiveswap came out but instead of being about anything hiveswap was supposed to be about it was post comic and you played as karkat vantas on a rebooted earth having to fix everyone’s problems
except it was basically an open world rpg where every npc had a randomly generated list of problems and the way to get the true ending was to go from npc to npc leveling up your diplomacy as you made your way to more complex issues
but the thing was you were also given a host of options to make karkat really bad at diplomacy, varying from npc to npc, depending on the items that you’d picked up along the way. i picked up a blow torch and then had the option to set npcs or their valuables on fire from a distance. you could also creatively insult the npcs and tell them you didn’t care when they tried to talk about their issues. in addition, you were allowed to draw weapons and stab them, but usually the npc stabbed back.
every time you fucked up an interaction and got stabbed or flipped off your self loathing meter would go up, and the higher the self loathing meter got, the higher the chance of being flashed an unskippable cutscene where a pile of future karkats roll out of a rip in space time, punch your karkat in the face, and tell him to get his act together or he’s going to break the world
instead of having a bad ending where you could trigger the apocalypse with your terrible diplomatic decisions or whatever, eventually the game just glitched and broke until you were just watching this cutscene over and over again while “untitled” by simple plan played on a dissonant loop
anyway nothig can ever top that so i guess i can’t play hiveswap when it comes out
we’re watching the new season of queer eye and my dad is actually crying over the ep with the trans dude, like he’s talking about his top surgery and my dad is in tears going “when you sculpt marble the sculpture is already inside, you’re just getting rid of what isn’t part of it! he’s just getting rid of what isn’t part of him!”
so from my oldass 70 year old dad to all my trans followers, y'all are marble sculptures and you’re perfect
sexual history does not define purity. i have seen pure. it is my friend silently moving things so her blind girlfriend doesn’t have to grope around for them. it is the seven year old student i had who learned how to sign “want to play” so he could talk to his deaf neighbor. it is the morning i woke up to find my dog and two cats all sleeping next to each other. it is in small beautiful moments: holding someone’s hand so they can work through a panic attack, giving someone a smooth rock from the ocean, a little boy being a princess, the look on a child’s face the first time they read a book on their own from start to finish. pure is paying for someone’s coffee, is giving up time for soup kitchens, is staying up late to help a friend work through things. it’s saying “yes, i’ll help,” even when you’re dead tired and you need help yourself.
this world is full of terrible things people can do to each other and yet we don’t see “pure” as the moments that matter. we see it as one black or white possibility: either you are a virgin and holy or you are unclean. but people are not blankets of snow. we don’t dirty for letting people in. no. when we love, we only become more beautiful.
